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“If you don’t move on, you’re unlikely to be emotionally available for a happy and healthy relationship in the future,” says Jasbina Ahluwalia, dating coach and founder of Intersections Match by Jasbina.
“View it as a growth and glean anything you learned about yourself and your needs in a relationship.” Every breakup is different, and the time it takes for you to get closure greatly depends on how the relationship ended and if you’re still talking to your ex. In this scenario, closure can come in the form of a conversation.
Even if you or your ex felt more strongly about ending your relationship, Sumber says that you can still gain closure.
“It’s possible to end [a relationship] with understanding and kindness…You can walk away and not leave a door open,” he says.
Your meeting place should be private enough that you can have an open conversation, yet still public enough that you’re not put in an uncomfortable position.
For example, a coffee shop might be a good setting to speak about your relationship; just don’t choose the Starbucks that you know all your friends go to.
Rather, the main point of the conversation is to gain perspective on your past relationship and gain some insight for your future ones.
While most people think that closure has to include both partners, most experts say that’s not the case.However, consider taking some time after the breakup before having this type of conversation.“A bit of communication hiatus is recommended, [like a week or two],” says Jodi RR Smith, etiquette consultant and president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting“It’s important to process the feelings and emotions [to avoid] a major scene at some later point.” When you feel ready to have a conversation, contact your ex and decide on a meeting place.What worked for your friend might not necessarily work for you, mostly because you had different situations.Similarly, what worked for you in past relationships might not be as helpful now.